Chasing God on the French/Swiss Border

CHASING GOD ON THE FRENCH/SWISS BORDER

What are you doing this summer? Some have made plans for wandering through Natural History in New York City. Some will see relatives. Some hope to find a beach, even if it is still cold. Most of us will mow lawns, or sit on lawns, or pull weeds from lawns. But what are our particle physicists going to be doing in an underground reactor facility beneath farm yards and mooing cows on the French/Swiss border? Remarkably, miraculously, they will be searching for the last argument in the Big Bang Theory, the “God Particle,” for those of you not in the particle physics/string theory business. Though no priests, rabbis, clerics, imams pastors or gurus have been invited to even witness the event, in case a miracle does happen, what is most exciting about the study is the possibility of knowing, finally, What put the bang in the Bang?

What we’re all crossing our fingers for is the hope for finding what is known as the “Higgs boson,” or for those who have jobs in fields unrelated to particle physics, this is the key, or “missing link” to Aristotle’s notion of The First Cause or The Unmoved Mover. Let’s review, quickly. There’s you, then there’s your wonderful parents, then we have your grandparents….see where this is going? Let’s go all the way back. Back further than anyone can really imagine. Yes, that far back. So perhaps there was something that caused something that caused something to be formed, yes? Okay, what caused that? That I believe, as a non-particle physicist, has frustrated scientists for eons. For the non-particle thinkers, this is a no brainer. Why not say….God?

Okay, this is where it gets a bit more complicated? Isn’t it obvious the place we’re at, or in, or on, is such a lovely place, despite the trash not being picked up on Thursdays, that surely we should come to our senses (our Bicameral minds, to quote a psychologist, Julian Jaynes, who wrote on the evolution of the consciousness, 1976) and realize something Intelligent made Everything. But according to Nobel Laureate Steven Weinberg, quoted in a recent interview with Newsweek, “the more we learn about the universe, the less sign we see of an intelligent designer.”

Here we have to go to religious texts, to clarify one point. All religious texts remind the faithful that God was the Agent behind the Cosmos. Okay, but who wrote the texts? Here I am always reminded of Tip O’Neill, former Speaker of the House, who commented that “all politics are local.” If you believe that, then perhaps we can spin his remarks to include, all “texts” are political. In other words, anything written has a purpose, an agenda, perhaps with the exception of assigned English papers. Even the beloved Rambam (Rabbi Moses b. Maimon, or Maimonides, 1135-1204 C.E.) questioned if YHVH was the creator of the Universe, which contradicted everything that Aristotle and every Jew wants to believe about the Creator. The Rambam simply mused that we’ll never know. So, we’re back to the people’s views. Literate people. Essentially, those who have special vision, either mystical or holy, who “know” how the Universe came about. Well, that’s what our summer scientists are hoping to find out. But what if they find not the “God Particle” but the “Not-God Particle”? Will we lose our sense of Purpose?

Here’s where it gets tough. If you already believe that A) the world is made by a Maker, and that Maker, in many different names and religions, is God, and B) that God gives purpose to life, then no matter what our particle physicists find this summer, it won’t matter, because we’re hard headed people, and we don’t like change. Besides, that would be a very threatening proposal, of which few if any Real human beings would really believe our underground scientists. But…are you still with me…? But, what about the greater percentage of living and non living forms in the Cosmos that don’t perceive their purpose? Would these “elements” feel devastated? Perhaps not, as H.S., or homo sapiens, deemed it necessary to claim Authority not only above Everything, but also claimed a text which proved it. There you have it. Thanks again to Julian Jaynes who helped us, even if his theory is questionable, to imagine when ancients began to think for themselves, instead of relying on the signs of a god in his Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind.

So, if you’re still with me, how many will vote for finding the Higgs boson? Here are a few more important questions. How much will this cost? How many bottles of French wine and how many wheels of brie cheese will be consumed when the flying protons are at rest in the Large Hadron Collider? Will the French government really protest the summer Games in Beijing? Will Switzerland’s right wing party banish Middle Eastern minorities out of their country? Who knows what will happen? Let’s wish our particle fellows God speed.

Boomers, Do You Know Where Your Car Keys Are?

Boomers, Do You Know Where Your Car Keys Are?

The bad news is out. Depending on who has demented genes, a lot of us are going to leave this world as idiots?

A new study targets a whopping 18% of us who are going to end up babbling away our end days as our brains turn into fried brains, a delicacy I can vaguely remember my mother serving up to us kids back in the mid 20th Century.

By one study, the Alzheimer’s counters predict10 million of us are headed off to baby-land.

Frankly, I am opposed to these statistics. The most recent research predicts that one in eight of us poor boomers are destined for dementia, the Mother of all Miseries. Five million of us are already babbling. By 2030, we’ll be up to 8 Mill. By 2050 we’ll have about 11-16 million babblers needing help with digestion and elimination. Not good, everybody, not good.

So it really isn’t about losing keys, is it? After all, we just forgot where they are. That doesn’t mean our brain is mush, or does it? Instead, we should be asking who is our President. When my mother was asked, she replied, “What a silly question.” When asked what day it was, she replied, “Don’t you know?” Mother was good with her crafty questioner. I’m sure the oblique answers reminder her of her 7th graders who also didn’t know the answers, but came up with smart replies. One recent student of mine, when asked a Socratic question, replied, “Sorry, I was zoning out. What was it you asked?” Okay, then, that’s it. Alzheimer’s could be a cover for simply poorly phrased questions.

For the record, I am completely opposed to ever being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Those most likely to be diagnosed are those who have two parents who never knew what hit them. That would include me as both my parents had some kind of dementia. So let’s not take this lying down in our bedpans! People, we have to go on strike. We have to write to Congress. Any district will do, as the disease does not favor red or blue states, or labor, or farming, or industry. Let’s take to the streets, People. All of us need to march to our local pharmacy and demand a genetic recoding kit. Go ahead, say it, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!” We have to work together, insisting that we keep our memories, even if we want to forget a few of them.

Yet if it does seem inevitable that a meteor will land in our brains, then I’ll settle for a compromise. How does this sound…a postponement, a lengthy delay, a “I almost forget about infecting you with the plague” condition? Here’s what I will agree to, possibly with amendments: I will agree to “onset” no earlier than five minutes before my “end times.” I would prefer to receive the seven awful years of existence while I am already in a coma. That’s reasonable? Numbers always tell the truth, don’t they? We can’t fight the numbers can we? Here’s a plan, concocted in the last three minutes, for making this work, even if you have awful genes:

1. Start talking about oatmeal with your significant others. The therapy will be meaningful, and besides, you can also make cookies from the little flakes.
2. Read a book, a challenging book, a book about something you know nothing about, a book that might open your mind to something you know nothing about.
3. Take in a play, even a silly one. Doesn’t have to be Shakespeare.
4. Start playing with numbers. Try it with cards, or with puzzles.
5. Memorize all the queens and kings of England, beginning with (let’s make it easy)Elizabeth I (1558-1603).
6. Hit a ball, or ride a bike, or move the legs on a track, or path. Start swimming!
7. Listen to “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” for a week. Bet you can’t stop after a week.
8. Try holding Salamba Sirsasana (head stand) for 2 minutes.
9. Okay, why don’t you add some suggestions…?

I’m going home now, as I am so distraught about this. But where did I park my car?